It’s Annoying When People Say You’ll Find Love When You Stop Looking, But Here’s Why It’s True

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6. “THE ONE” IS PROBABLY RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE.

Statistically speaking, most 18-34 year olds met their significant other through mutual friends. It makes sense—you gravitate towards people you have things in common with, and so do your besties. There’s bound to be some overlap in interests, values, and senses of humor. When you search for love, you tend to widen your search to include people you don’t normally associate with. Expanding your horizons is a positive, but you might not have to expand them as much as you think.

7. IT’S LIKE A SNICKERS AD: YOU’RE NOT YOU WHEN YOU’RE SEARCHING.

When you’re consciously trying to meet the right guy, you’re in a very specific mindset. You’re trying to market yourself as a dateable person, and that can overshadow the real (fantastic) you.

8. YOUR STANDARDS GET LOWER OVER TIME.

Think of it like shopping—if your first lap through the store proves unsuccessful, you circle back through with your expectations lowered. The same goes for seeking love. When finding someone is at the forefront of your mind, you run the risk of dropping your standards if it doesn’t work out right away.

9. THEY TELL YOU TO STOP LOOKING FOR LOVE BECAUSE THAT’S WHEN THEY FOUND IT.

Off the top of my head, most of my loved ones’ successful relationships began when they least expected it. My parents met because my mom roomed with my dad’s sister in college. One of my mentors met her husband through mutual friends three months after she called off an engagement. One of my best friends met her husband years after they graduated high school together, and happened to run into each other at a bar. While hearing that you’ll find love when you stop looking may sound contrived or like vague advice, it just might be advice worth following.

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